Waiting

It has been over 8 weeks since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And suddenly my life looks so different from anything I imagined. I miss Mozambique. I miss my beautiful boys. I miss being woken up at 6:00 in the morning as the littlest boys arrive, gushing with joy to see us. I miss being a part of restoring families as street kids choose to leave the streets and return to their families. I miss visits in the villages as we check in on boys who are beginning life back with their families. I miss 5:00 tea on the rooftop with my housemates. I even miss the frustrations of my life there....being ripped off at the market because I'm white or dealing with boys who steal from the very hands that care for them. I miss Paito's humor and Tilfo's quite strength. And oh how I miss sweet little Felix and that grin of his that could brighten any day.

It's hard to be content here when my heart is 8,643 miles away. I can't stop the tears when the doctor tells me it will be at least 2 more weeks before we have the test results back on my tumor and can make a decision about the next step in my treatment. And the tears really come as the doctor explains that, if chemo is necessary, it would be 3 or 4 months of treatment followed by a month and a half of radiation. My heart breaks at the thought of having to be away from Mozambique for that long. I find myself praying constantly for God's mercy that chemo will not be a part of my treatment.

And it's all selfish, these prayers of mine. Because I just want to be back in Mozambique...not because of the work that I have to do there or the decisions that need to be made at the project. Those things happen with our without me. No, I want to be back because its there that I feel most alive . . . sitting on the back porch helping Felix with his reading or walking to the pharmacy with yet another boy covered in sores or dishing up heaping servings of rice and beans for 35 boys.

They don't need me. I need them.

I have no doubt that I'll beat this cancer. I'm not afraid. I know that my God is good and will never leave me. I know that He promises to work all things together for good. I know that He has a plan for me...to prosper me and not to harm me. I am confident in His love.

It's the waiting that is the hardest. Waiting to go home.

Recovering

So the surgery is done! I went in on Wednesday and had a lumpectomy and a biopsy of lymph nodes. It was an out-patient procedure so I was back home by 7pm. And straight to bed. At first, the pain was pretty bad but its getting better now.

So now I get to sit here and recover because the sooner I recover, the sooner I can start radiation and the sooner I start radiation, the sooner I finish radiation and the sooner I finish radiation, the sooner I return to Mozambique! So what does recovery look like for me? Reading lots of books. Yesterday I read "Quaker Summer" by Lisa Samson. Today I'm starting the "Mark of the Lion" series by Francine Rivers. If you have any good book recommendations, pass them along!

I go back to the doctor on Tuesday. The doctor should have the results from my pathology by then. They are running tests on both the tumor and my lymph nodes. I hope to find out more about radiation as well and begin getting that set up.

Thanks for continuing to remember me in your prayers! Please pray for a speedy recovery from surgery.

Surgery

I wanted to let you all know that I will be having surgery this Wednesday morning. I am having a lumpectomy which means the surgeon will remove the tumor. So far, it appears the cancer is located in one place which is great news! The tumor will be sent to a lab where a few tests will be run but as long as things come back as the doctor thinks they will, no chemo! Once the incision heals, I'll begin 5-7 weeks of radiation. I have been told that it takes anywhere from 2-6 weeks for the incision to heal and before radiation can begin. Praying its more on the 2-week side of things!!

As far as I know, the surgery is outpatient so I will be back at my parent's house Wednesday evening. Thanks for continuing to carry me in your prayers!