Waiting

It has been over 8 weeks since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And suddenly my life looks so different from anything I imagined. I miss Mozambique. I miss my beautiful boys. I miss being woken up at 6:00 in the morning as the littlest boys arrive, gushing with joy to see us. I miss being a part of restoring families as street kids choose to leave the streets and return to their families. I miss visits in the villages as we check in on boys who are beginning life back with their families. I miss 5:00 tea on the rooftop with my housemates. I even miss the frustrations of my life there....being ripped off at the market because I'm white or dealing with boys who steal from the very hands that care for them. I miss Paito's humor and Tilfo's quite strength. And oh how I miss sweet little Felix and that grin of his that could brighten any day.

It's hard to be content here when my heart is 8,643 miles away. I can't stop the tears when the doctor tells me it will be at least 2 more weeks before we have the test results back on my tumor and can make a decision about the next step in my treatment. And the tears really come as the doctor explains that, if chemo is necessary, it would be 3 or 4 months of treatment followed by a month and a half of radiation. My heart breaks at the thought of having to be away from Mozambique for that long. I find myself praying constantly for God's mercy that chemo will not be a part of my treatment.

And it's all selfish, these prayers of mine. Because I just want to be back in Mozambique...not because of the work that I have to do there or the decisions that need to be made at the project. Those things happen with our without me. No, I want to be back because its there that I feel most alive . . . sitting on the back porch helping Felix with his reading or walking to the pharmacy with yet another boy covered in sores or dishing up heaping servings of rice and beans for 35 boys.

They don't need me. I need them.

I have no doubt that I'll beat this cancer. I'm not afraid. I know that my God is good and will never leave me. I know that He promises to work all things together for good. I know that He has a plan for me...to prosper me and not to harm me. I am confident in His love.

It's the waiting that is the hardest. Waiting to go home.

Recovering

So the surgery is done! I went in on Wednesday and had a lumpectomy and a biopsy of lymph nodes. It was an out-patient procedure so I was back home by 7pm. And straight to bed. At first, the pain was pretty bad but its getting better now.

So now I get to sit here and recover because the sooner I recover, the sooner I can start radiation and the sooner I start radiation, the sooner I finish radiation and the sooner I finish radiation, the sooner I return to Mozambique! So what does recovery look like for me? Reading lots of books. Yesterday I read "Quaker Summer" by Lisa Samson. Today I'm starting the "Mark of the Lion" series by Francine Rivers. If you have any good book recommendations, pass them along!

I go back to the doctor on Tuesday. The doctor should have the results from my pathology by then. They are running tests on both the tumor and my lymph nodes. I hope to find out more about radiation as well and begin getting that set up.

Thanks for continuing to remember me in your prayers! Please pray for a speedy recovery from surgery.

Surgery

I wanted to let you all know that I will be having surgery this Wednesday morning. I am having a lumpectomy which means the surgeon will remove the tumor. So far, it appears the cancer is located in one place which is great news! The tumor will be sent to a lab where a few tests will be run but as long as things come back as the doctor thinks they will, no chemo! Once the incision heals, I'll begin 5-7 weeks of radiation. I have been told that it takes anywhere from 2-6 weeks for the incision to heal and before radiation can begin. Praying its more on the 2-week side of things!!

As far as I know, the surgery is outpatient so I will be back at my parent's house Wednesday evening. Thanks for continuing to carry me in your prayers!

One Thing Remains

Lots of people have been checking in to see how the week went so here is a summary:

I had the MRI Wednesday. It went well and the radiologist says it looks positive. The cancer is centralized to one location. I went in thursday as well to redo the mammogram and ultra sound. I had had these done in South Africa but they were not sufficient. During this testing, they did an ultra sound of my lymph nodes and said that they don't see swelling there which is a good sign. The radiologist also inserted a clip into the tumor to help easily locate the tumor for surgery and/or chemo.

I have an appointment with the medical oncologist Wednesday of next week and then go in for genetic testing on Thursday. Then on the following Tuesday (April 5) I will meet with my doctor (surgical oncologist) again. It still feels so far away but I guess we are getting closer to having a plan for surgery and treatment.

Every time I leave the hospital, I find myself thinking "is this really happening?" It still feels surreal. I miss mozambique and my boys so much but am trying to find contentment in where God has me now. A song by Bethel has become my theme over the past weeks. It is called "One Thing Remains." The words say:

Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant in the trial and the change
One thing... remains

Your love never fails, it never gives up
It never runs out on me

On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever, have to be afraid
One thing remains

I don't know why I have to walk this road but I know that God is in control. I have no need to fear. I can trust in His love. It never fails. It never gives up. It never runs out on me.

MRI

Just a quick post to let you know that I have an MRI on Wednesday at 9:00am. This will be to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else in my body. Once the results are in, I'll have an appointment with a medical oncologist and then I'll meet with my doctor (a surgical oncologist) again next Tuesday.

Finally feels like things are moving. Keep praying!

I'm A Charity Case!

My first days back in Georgia were a bit emotional. I went to Emory Hospital in Atlanta on Tuesday where I had an appointment with Dr. Rizzo who had been referred to me by a friend's father. The first news I received was that my insurance would not be accepted because my insurance company is outside of the USA. I cried. Here I was having gone back and forth with my insurance company for days trying to get approval to return to the States for treatment to be faced with the news that my insurance was no good. I would have to pay all expenses out of pocket and wait for them to be reimbursed. That's fine when we're talking one or two appointments but when we're talking surgeries and MRI's and radiation, not at all possible.

I went ahead and paid out of pocket for the appointment and saw the doctor. I really like her. She was very kind and broke everything down into simple terms. After discussing the financial situation with her, she stepped out to speak to her assistant. A few minutes later, her assistant returned and said that Dr. Rizzo had agreed to take me on as a charity case and, as long as all was approved by Emory Hospital, she would provide my treatment for free! Needless to say, i was thrilled with this news.

It took a couple of days to process my paperwork but I got a call this afternoon and I have been approved as a charity case! Tomorrow I hope to connect with Dr. Rizzo's assistant and get my MRI scheduled as well as the other testing she wants to do.

Though I am only a few weeks into this journey through cancer, I am already so aware of God's hand over me. He has already shown Himself so faithful as He has provided me with a flight home, free treatment, trusted friends in the medical field to offer their professional input, and countless friends and family all over the world praying for and encouraging me. I know there will be hard days ahead but I am choosing to trust in God's faithfulness and believe that He will see me through all that lies ahead. And that He will get me back to my boys in Mozambique ASAP!

I'm Going Home

My insurance company has agreed to cover my treatment in the States so I'll be returning Sunday. I arrive in Atlanta Monday morning and have my first doctors appointment at Emory on Tuesday afternoon. Nothing like hitting the ground running....but the sooner I get this whole process going, the sooner I can return to my precious boys in Mozambique!